Wow...just got wind of some exciting news about the impending Wal*mart/NASCAR merger. The changes are happening so fast that it is hard to keep track of them all. Here are a few of the highlights that have come to my attention in this morning's press releases.
Concessions...you know the little old ladies that push around the microwave and hot plate carts at Sam's Club? Well guess what? They are taking over the concessions at the tracks. They even have an agreement in principle that will allow them to keep those spiffy hair nets! There will be a veritable gourmet selection of items to choose from, the only catch being you are going to have to buy one of those industrial sized frozen packages if you wish more than the one bite sample.
Pit stops...the days of pulling into the pits in front to main grandstand is over. Starting immediately, all tracks will be reconfigured with an exit ramp that leads directly to the Wally*world Express Tire and Lube Center. Cars will be serviced by the crack teams of service technicians voted as the best in regional competitions among all North American Wally*worlds. Cars will be serviced on a first come, first served basis...and all the action will be displayed for the fans on the new Vizio big screens. As an added bonus for the fans, they will be able to purchase the TVs after the race...at demo prices!
Tickets...as was previously mentioned, you will be able to put tickets on layaway and make easy weekly payments. Yes, there is a down side to this method, a ticket that would normally cost you $100 will end up being $200...but you will be able to make simple $4 weekly payments. Ticketmaster and other ticket venues will be totally out of the loop...tickets will only be sold at the new NASCAR customer service desk located in Wally*world Supercenters. All tickets will become first come, first served items. Tickets for the following year's race will go on sale at 8a.m. Tuesday mornings following the completion of each event. Infield spectators and campers will now purchase tickets in the same fashion as everyone else. Ticket packages will come in 4 levels...Level 1 - The Springer Show Rejects @ $25 each - the first 10 rows at any track...Level 2 - Trailer Trash @ $50 each - the second 10 rows at any track, any obstructed view seat and general admission to the two road courses...Level 3 - Fancy Rich Bitch @ $100 each - all remaining grandstand seats from row 21 and up, also the base fee for all infield spectators and campers (each person and each RV in the infield must have a ticket)...Level 4 - The Fat Cat Package @ $999.99 - formerly known as the luxury boxes, now available to anyone with the cash. External camping is free with a $250 purchase that the trackside Supercenter or $100 with any lesser qualifying purchase ($150 minimum).
Watch this space for further updates!
Too funny!
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